The Messiah Read online

  How you will know him.

  You will find a baby.

  In a manger in a cave

  Full of light.

  And there will be a load of animals and birds and Wise Men in there giving gifts and making speeches. But you push your way to the front and if you’ve got a baby lamb spare, that’d go down nicely.

  The ANGEL flaps his wings and whooshes off. The OLDER SHEPHERD remains transfixed.

  From the distance we hear the YOUNG SHEPHERD returning.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Number seventy-five… number-seventy six…

  YOUNG SHEPHERD enters. He counts the last three sheep.

  Seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine, number eighty. Eighty.

  He sits down happily.

  Hungry now! Falafels! Lovely!

  OLDER SHEPHERD looks at him.

  What? What!?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. I don’t know how to tell you this.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. What?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. I just seen an angel.

  The YOUNG SHEPHERD takes this in.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Oh No!!!!!!! And I missed it!!!!!!

  OLDER SHEPHERD. I would have asked him to hang on but – glory shone all about.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. This is a very great disappointment to me.

  OLDER SHEPHERD. There was light and singing and the whole sky was humming with the sound of wings. There was great swirling lights and colours bursting up into the sky. It was like – fireworks night! Or the Olympics! I never seen nothin like it!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. What did he say?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Sorry?

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Did he say anything about – me at all?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Who?

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. The angel?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Oh – well – no – he didn’t mention you specifically by name no.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Right.

  OLDER SHEPHERD. He said – hang on! I remember now! Yes! He says we got to go to –

  (Remembering.) – Bethlehem!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Bethlehem?

  Music.

  OLDER SHEPHERD. To find a baby!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. A baby? What kind of baby?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. I dunno. A baby! A baby who will – who will – yes that’s it! Heal the whole world!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Heal the whole world!!!?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. A Messiah!!!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. So – is that like an angel then, a Messiah?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. No. It’s in a – a completely different league really. It’s like – comparing the sound of the first bumble-bee – (Thinks.) to a full summer’s day.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. So better than an angel then?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Yeah!!!!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Well we’d better go there then! To Bethlehem!

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Hang on!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. What?

  OLDER SHEPHERD. We need a baby lamb! That’s what he said!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD (panicking). Baby lamb!!?? Baby lamb!!?? Where we going to get a baby lamb from!!??

  OLDER SHEPHERD. We’re shepherds!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Oh yes. Sorry.

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Look!

  Chooses person from audience.

  Here’s a baby lamb.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Yes. So there is. Hello, baby lamb. What’s your name? Sorry? Are you coming to Bethlehem? Really? Oh good! Come on then! Come on!

  They all run round the stage.

  Music: Builds.

  OLDER SHEPHERD (to lamb). Bet you didn’t expect this when you bought a ticket. Wait wait!!!

  They skid to a stop.

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. What what!!??

  OLDER SHEPHERD (points to the star). Look! Look! Up there! Up there!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD (looks up). Oh yes!

  (To lamb.) Look look, baby lamb! Can you see that? Mind your eyes!

  They all look up at the star that glows bright. They all shield their eyes.

  OLDER SHEPHERD. Star of wonder! Star of light!

  YOUNG SHEPHERD. Why, it must be Christmas night!

  OLDER SHEPHERD. No not Christmas night, whate’er you say. It can only be –

  BOTH. Christmas Day!!!!!

  Song 9: Handel, Chorus – ‘Hallelujah!’

  MRS F is revealed. Transformed into an angel, clothed in white with golden wings. She joins in with the chorus.

  Snow falls on the stage.

  Snow falls on the audience.

  The End.

  PATRICK BARLOW

  Patrick Barlow has been an actor, director and writer for theatre, film, television and radio since 1970. After creating and performing in a number of street, community and children’s theatres across the country, he formed the National Theatre of Brent in 1981.

  Celebrated for its two-man comedy epic theatre, the NToB has appeared in the UK and Europe in theatre, television and radio. Their many subjects include The Charge of the Light Brigade, Wagner’s Ring, The Charles and Diana Story, The Messiah, The Wonder of Sex, The Arts and How They Was Done, The Life and Times of the Dalai Lama, Massive Landmarks of the Twentieth Century, The Black Hole of Calcutta and Zulu! They have won two Sony Gold Awards for Best Radio Comedy, a Premier Ondas Award for Best European Comedy, and the New York Festival Gold Award for Best Comedy.

  The Messiah was originally written on the island of Iona off Mull, then developed with Julian Hough and Jude Kelly, and first performed at the Battersea Arts Centre, then the Tricycle Theatre, London, in 1983. The Messiah has seen Patrick work with many illustrious collaborators, including Jim Broadbent, Robert Austin, Tom Cairns, John Ramm and Martin Duncan. It was rewritten with John Ramm for the Bush in 1999 and directed by Loveday Ingram. The current NToB is Patrick, John and Martin Duncan whose collaboration is now time-honoured and long-standing. The latest version of The Messiah is a return to the very first 1983 Tricycle version.

  Besides the NToB, Patrick adapted John Buchan’s The 39 Steps which played in the West End for nine years, and over forty countries worldwide. It has won Olivier, Tony, Helpmann and Molière Awards and made Patrick the most performed playwright in America for 2012/13.

  Other plays include his new version of A Christmas Carol which opened off-Broadway in 2015, and in the UK in 2016 at the Noël Coward Theatre with Jim Broadbent as Scrooge, and was nominated for an Olivier Award in 2017. Other plays include his four-person Ben-Hur (Tricycle, 2015), his adaptation of John Milton’s Comus (Shakespeare’s Globe, 2017) and How to Deal with Being Dumped: A Marital Oratorio (Gogmagogs and North American tour, 1999).

  Patrick’s screenwriting includes The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole, Christopher Columbus, Queen of the East, Van Gogh (Prix Futura Berlin Film Festival), Revolution!! (Best Comedy Jerusalem Film Festival) and the BAFTA-winning The Young Visiters.

  Publications include Shakespeare: The Truth! and The Complete History of the Whole World.

  Screen and theatre acting credits include A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Loot, Wind in the Willows (National Theatre), Absolutely Fabulous, French and Saunders, Jam and Jerusalem, Shakespeare in Love, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones, Nanny McPhee and A Very English Scandal.

  A Nick Hern Book

  The Messiah first published in Great Britain in 2001 as a paperback original by Nick Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP

  This new revised edition published in 2018

  This new edition published in 2018

  The Messiah copyright © 2001, 2018 Patrick Barlow

  Foreword copyright 2018 Patrick Barlow

  Patrick Barlow has asserted his moral right to be identified as the author of this work

  Front cover: Feast Creative

  Designed and typeset by Nick Hern Books, London

  ISBN 978 1 84842 807 2 (print edition)

  ISBN 978 1 78850 129 3 (ebook edition)

  CAUTION This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or
used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly. edition)

  Amateur Performing Rights Applications for performance, including readings and excerpts, by amateurs in the English language throughout the world should be addressed to the Performing Rights Manager, Nick Hern Books, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP, tel +44 (0)20 8749 4953, email [email protected], except as follows:

  Australia: Dominie Drama, 8 Cross Street, Brookvale 2100, tel (2) 9938 8686, fax (2) 9938 8695, email [email protected]

  New Zealand: Play Bureau, PO Box 9013, St Clair, Dunedin 9047, tel (3) 455 9959, email [email protected]

  United States and Canada: Casarotto Ramsay and Associates Ltd, see details below

  Professional Performing Rights Applications for performance by professionals in any medium and in any language throughout the world should be addressed to Casarotto Ramsay and Associates Ltd, Waverley House, 7–12 Noel Street, London W1F 8GQ, fax +44 (0)20 7287 9128, email [email protected]

  No performance of any kind may be given unless a licence has been obtained. Applications should be made before rehearsals begin. Publication of this play does not necessarily indicate its availability for amateur performance.