The Messiah Read online

  MAURICE. Not sure your spiritual journey was quite as – ha ha – painful or spiritual as –

  RONALD. You said, Maurice! When we was doin’ the workshoppin’ of the actin’ in your flat, Maurice! In Theydon – what is it?

  MAURICE. Bois.

  RONALD. Pardon?

  MAURICE. Boyz.

  RONALD. The workshoppin’! Which I personally found particularly enlight’nin’ after my existentstential crisis at the job crisis centre. You said, didn’t you, Maurice! Ready, Maurice?

  MAURICE. Um –

  RONALD (prompting). So, Ronald, perhaps you would care to share with us your – your –

  MAURICE (sighs). Right. Yes. So anyway, Ronald, perhaps you would care to share with us your um –

  RONALD. Oh right! Yes! That’s right! Yes! Share my own personal inner personal pain and spiritual difficulties which I been workshopping on on my own in my flat in – in – Knightsbridge?

  MAURICE (surprised). Knights–

  RONALD. Yes. I would actually yes. I would like to share with you. Thank you for reminding me, Maurice. So, ladies and gentlemen, I should now like to briefly halt proceedin’s in order to reveal my own personal researches into ‘The Body Esperanto Movement’ which is my own idea as it happens, as yet unused – or unknown about – by the general ‘public’, in which the spoken word is replaced by an internationally recognised language of body language to convey our deepest most innermost most personal feelin’s which will one day be spoke throughout the world in my opinion. As an example I would now like to show you the past three or four years of mine own personal experiences using only the body language. AKO ‘Body Esperanto’ which I should now like to share with you now. Thank you.

  RONALD prepares the space. He flexes his knees, shoots his arms out and slaps his face.

  What’s that?

  MAURICE. Um –

  RONALD. Intense loneliness in a room in South London.

  MAURICE. Right.

  RONALD. And this?

  RONALD does another movement. The same but slapping his ears.

  MAURICE. Er –

  RONALD. Intense loneliness in a room in North London.

  MAURICE. Thank you.

  RONALD. What’s this?

  Entirely different and incomprehensible mime.

  MAURICE. I don’t know.

  RONALD. An oil rig.

  Awkward moment.

  MAURICE. Lovely.

  RONALD. Thank you.

  MAURICE. And so it was –

  RONALD. Ah yes! And so it was Joseph the son of Joseph and Mary the son of – Mary was betrothed and then married. To each other.

  MAURICE. Obviously.

  RONALD. Obviously. They had a big Greek Wedding in the local –

  MAURICE. Jewish Wedding!

  RONALD. Jewish Wedding in the local tearoom and the whole village come to the huge celebration they done but then, after the first flush of excitement, life become swiftly humdrum as it done before.

  RONALD positions the chair. RONALD puts on his veil. Sits.

  SFX: Mid-Eastern village.

  Nazareth – Mary and Joseph’s kitchen

  Enter MAURICE as JOSEPH.

  MARY. You’re late, Joseph!

  JOSEPH. What do you mean I’m late?

  MARY. Where have you been?

  JOSEPH. I’ve been working, haven’t I?

  MARY. I don’t know what you’ve been doing.

  JOSEPH. I’ve been building a patio.

  MARY. I don’t know what you been up to!

  JOSEPH. Every day we go through this!

  MARY. So? You don’t know! You’ve got no bloody idea what it’s like! Stuck here on my own!

  JOSEPH. You’ve got the temple-mending.

  MARY. Sodding temple-mending! Do you know what it’s like hemming veils all day long? I’m going mad here!

  JOSEPH. Well, you should get out more. Go swimming. Go to the – pictures. Go and see Elizabeth and Zachariah.

  MARY. Elizabeth and Zachariah! I got nothing to say to Elizabeth and Zachariah!

  JOSEPH. She’s having a baby, isn’t she?

  MARY. So?

  JOSEPH. She’s having John the Baptist, isn’t she?

  MARY. Yes, and doesn’t she just know it! Anyway, they’re always reading. I’m young! I’m a young vibrant girl! I’ve got a whole life ahead of me. I had a whole life ahead of me. You want me stuck here, don’t you. So you know exactly where I am. So you can keep your tabs on me!

  JOSEPH. You don’t have to stay!

  MARY. Oh thank you very much. The minute I start complaining you want me out! Well maybe I will! Maybe I’ll just leave!

  JOSEPH. Or better still – I’ll leave!

  MARY. Alright! You leave!

  JOSEPH. Alright I will! Goodbye!

  MARY. Goodbye!

  JOSEPH. Goodbye!

  MARY. GOODBYE!

  JOSEPH slams the invisible door. MARY bursts into tears. MAURICE becomes the ARCHANGEL GABRIEL. He ‘flies’ in round the stage and circles MARY who still sobs bitterly. GABRIEL ascends MRS F’s chair. He stands, flapping his wings and speaks sonorously.

  GABRIEL. Mary? Mary? Mary –

  RONALD stops sobbing, steps forward.

  RONALD. Erm – ladies and gentlemen – due to the fact that I been – cast in this production as Mary and Gabriel, it is obviously not possible for me – to appear – unto my – self –

  MAURICE – stuck on MRS F’s chair – has to listen as RONALD goes on.

  – except perhaps in those higher states of mystic transport to what I have not, as yet, attained. That being so, and taking into account the ephemeral and ethereal nature of the angelic species, on top of which few of us here have actually ever actually seen an angel, Maurice will now appear to Mary as the Archangel Gabriel and I shall later resume his cosmic mantle later. Thank you.

  He becomes MARY and sits on the chair again. He puts on his veil. Continues sobbing. MAURICE whooshes his wings again.

  GABRIEL. Mary? Mary? Mary?

  MARY. What? What? What?

  GABRIEL. Are you alone?

  MARY. Yes.

  GABRIEL. Entirely alone?

  MARY. Yes. Apart from the cat.

  MAURICE. What?

  MARY. Apart from the cat.

  RONALD has just put this in.

  MAURICE. What do you mean the cat?

  MARY. Well, it’s a black pussy with little white socks and pointy ears.

  MAURICE. Yes I know what a cat is, Ronald.

  RONALD. I put it in.

  MAURICE. So is it going to become a regular feature then, is it, this cat, is it?

  RONALD. Well, I thought it’d give a domestic element to the scene that would juxtapose nicely with the transcendental quality of the angel.

  MAURICE. Did you?

  RONALD. Yes.

  MAURICE. Well, I want it out.

  RONALD. You want it out?

  MAURICE. Yes please.

  RONALD. Come on then, puss. Puss! Puss! Come on, out! OUT!

  He kicks the cat out. The cat runs back. He catches it. Chucks it out.

  MAURICE. Thank you.

  He sighs. Whooshes his wings again. Resumes the scene.

  GABRIEL. Entirely alone?

  MARY. Yes.

  GABRIEL. Are you afraid?

  MARY. No. Well a bit. Yes. Why?

  GABRIEL. Blessed are you above all women. And all men.

  MARY. Am I?

  GABRIEL. Yes.

  MARY. Why?

  GABRIEL. Cos you shall conceive a son.

  MARY. I’m only fourteen.

  GABRIEL. You shall bring him forth in the dead of night. In the midst of winter shall you bring forth he. And you shall call his name Wonderful, Marvellous, Peace-Maker, Councillor, Beautiful, Magical, Fabulous, Triffic, Brill, and you will love him.

  MARY. Will I?

  GABRIEL. Yes!

  MARY. But I haven’t got it in me.

  GABRIEL (alarmed). How do you mean!!?<
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  MARY. No nothing. I will. I will love him. I’ll – try.

  GABRIEL. Course you will. You will be alright.

  MARY. Will I?

  GABRIEL. Yes!

  MARY. Right.

  GABRIEL. And no strong drink shall he –

  MRS FFLYTE enters. She marches through the back tabs, graciously acknowledging applause. She knows she’s late but she’s ignoring it. She stops when she sees MAURICE is on her chair. RONALD looks at MAURICE. An awkward moment. MRS F whispers to RONALD. RONALD nips over.

  RONALD. Are you alright, Mrs F?

  MRS F whispers.

  (Leans closer.) Sorry?

  MRS F whispers louder, points at her chair.

  MAURICE. And no strong drink shall he –

  RONALD runs back to MAURICE.

  RONALD. She wants her chair!

  MAURICE. I’m on the chair. I’m doin’ the speech! She’s on too soon. Get her off!

  And no strong drink shall he –

  MRS F (hisses). Ronald!!!

  RONALD agonised as he looks from MAURICE to MRS F. He is caught between two chairs. At last, he takes MARY’s chair. Brings it to MAURICE. Puts it beside the plush chair.

  MAURICE. Ronald!!! What the hell you playin’ at?!

  RONALD. I can’t do nothing about it!

  MAURICE steps off MRS F’s chair. Gets on the kitchen chair. MRS F sits on her chair, satisfied. MAURICE whooshes his wings, wobbles. Continues as GABRIEL.

  GABRIEL. And – no strong drink shall he drink. And he shall not smoke. And no razor shall he put to his head. And he shall be an vegetarian. Or possibly vegan, depending on the availability of local foodstuffs.

  MARY. We’re not getting on. I know it’s my fault. But we’d be terrible parents.

  MRS F rises majestically, about to sing.

  GABRIEL. NO –

  MRS F sits.

  – without a man shall ye conceive! Whist a virgin shall ye bring forth, whilst a virgin shall ye give suck. For the power of the Most High shall be upon thee without any of the heat of lust!

  MARY. I’m scared now.

  GABRIEL. There is no need for fear. The seed is planted. He is there already.

  MRS F rises. Now is the right time.

  Song 1: Handel, ‘Comfort Ye My People’

  MRS F (sings).

  Comfort ye.

  GABRIEL. In the twinkling of an eye.

  MRS F (sings).

  Comfort ye my people.

  Saith your God.

  Saith your God.

  Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem.

  Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem.

  And cry unto her

  That her warfare is accomplished

  That her iniquity is pardoned

  That her iniquity is pardoned.

  MAURICE and RONALD move. MRS F has not finished.

  The voice of him –

  MAURICE and RONALD freeze.

  – that crieth in the wilderness –

  MAURICE leans towards her.

  MAURICE (whispers). Mrs F –

  MRS F (sings).

  – prepare ye the way of the Lord.

  MAURICE. Mrs F –

  MRS F (sings).

  Make straight in the desert a highway –

  MAURICE (more urgent). Mrs F!?

  MRS F (sings).

  – for our Go-od!!!

  MRS F sees MAURICE. Jumps.

  MAURICE. Thank you so much.

  MRS F. Thank you.

  She sits back in her chair. MAURICE crosses the stage to be JOSEPH again.

  RONALD. That following evening, Joseph was working in his workshop –

  MAURICE mimes hammering a nail.

  – drumming. When all of a sudden the Archangel Gabriel appeared again.

  He stops, walks towards the front.

  Um – although in this scene I shall be playin’ Gabriel due to the fact that Mary who I will be still be will be still be playing later does not appear till –

  MAURICE. I think they’ve got the point now, Ronald.

  RONALD. Have they?

  MAURICE. Yes.

  RONALD. Thank you!

  RONALD turns his back. He begins to whistle strangely. MAURICE is JOSEPH again.

  Nazareth – Joseph’s workshop

  JOSEPH. Hello? Who’s that!? Who’s there? Hello? Mary?

  RONALD turns as GABRIEL. He lifts his arms as wings.

  GABRIEL. Joseph?

  JOSEPH. Yes?

  GABRIEL. Mary’s going to have a baby.

  JOSEPH. Sorry?

  GABRIEL. Mary’s going to have a baby.

  JOSEPH. How? We haven’t –

  GABRIEL. It is a miracle. Do not question it.

  JOSEPH. No. Right.

  GABRIEL. She’s having a baby.

  JOSEPH. She’s having a baby?

  GABRIEL. She’s having a baby.

  JOSEPH. So – um – do you need me to – er –

  GABRIEL. No.

  JOSEPH. And it’s not – mine?

  GABRIEL. No.

  JOSEPH. No. So is it anybody I –

  GABRIEL. No.

  JOSEPH. No.

  GABRIEL. It is the Holy Spirit.

  JOSEPH gasps.

  He entered her womb on a shaft of light. It will be an holy birth.

  JOSEPH (taking this in). Holy birth. Right. Yes. Um gottit. And you’re – an angel?

  GABRIEL. I’m an archangel!

  JOSEPH. Sorry.

  GABRIEL. Got the picture now?

  JOSEPH. Yes thank you. So – um – when’s it due?

  GABRIEL. Christmas.

  JOSEPH. Right.

  GABRIEL. If that’s alright with you.

  JOSEPH. Fine yes. We was thinking of going away but –

  GABRIEL. You will be going away.

  JOSEPH. Where?

  GABRIEL. It will be – um – (Hasn’t been told.) revealed.

  JOSEPH looks up at GABRIEL.

  JOSEPH. Why – um – us?

  GABRIEL. You are beloved.

  JOSEPH. Sorry?

  GABRIEL. You are beloved! (Puts his wing around JOSEPH.)

  JOSEPH. You should see us, though. We’re never happy. We’re always arguing. Even talking about div–

  GABRIEL. You are beloved!!!

  JOSEPH. Right.

  GABRIEL flaps his wings, jumps off the chair and lands heavily. Then whooshes out to the side of the stage.

  GABRIEL. Geddit?

  JOSEPH. Yes thank you.

  GABRIEL whooshes. Exits.

  MAURICE walks between the pillars.

  SFX: Crickets, night-time sounds.

  Nazareth – Mary’s room

  RONALD enters. He is MARY. He sits nervously on the seat. Puts on veil. MAURICE is JOSEPH again. He walks up quietly behind her.

  JOSEPH. Mary?

  MARY. Yes, Joseph?

  JOSEPH. Um –

  MARY. What?

  JOSEPH. I know about the baby.

  MARY. Don’t know what you’re talking about.

  JOSEPH. I heard it in a dream.

  MARY. Did you?

  JOSEPH. Yes.

  MARY. I was going to tell you, I promise.

  JOSEPH. Mary –

  MARY. Did you have an angel?

  JOSEPH. An archangel.

  MARY. Oh.

  JOSEPH. Mary –

  MARY. I don’t know what’s happening, Joseph! I don’t know what I done!

  JOSEPH. I just want to say –

  MARY. You going to cast me out then?

  JOSEPH. – I will stay with you. Even when the night is at its blackest. Even unto the brink will I stick with you. Even unto the dark cave in the frozen grip of winter. Even unto death will I be with you.

  MARY. Thank you very much.

  JOSEPH. So – d’you want anything at all – any er – Horlicks? Anything like that?

  MARY. No thank you.

  JOSEPH. It is a miracle, Mary.

  MARY. Is it?

  JOSEPH.
I believe so, yes.

  MARY. Right.

  JOSEPH. What are you thinking?

  MARY. I’m pondering.

  JOSEPH. In your heart?

  MARY. Yes.

  MRS F starts to sing. This takes them by surprise. They both turn to her.

  Song 2: Handel, ‘Behold I Tell you a Mystery’

  MRS F (sings).

  Behold – I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep but we shall all be changed in a moment in the twinkling of an eye. At the last trumpet!

  MAURICE. Exactly.

  They all exit.

  Music (orchestral): ‘Veni Veni Emmanuel’. Dramatic lighting change.

  Desert

  RONALD enters in turban and flowing robes. He mimes riding a camel. He is the FIRST WISE MAN. Next MAURICE enters, also in robes and turban. He also mimes riding a camel. He is the SECOND WISE MAN. They stop, sense each other’s presence, see each other and wave. Now MRS F enters, also in turban and robe and on a camel. She rides past till she too senses the others’ presence. She turns and they all wave to each other. At that moment the HOLY STAR appears. They all GASP. They start to gallop after the star. The star turns and reverses. MAURICE’s WISE MAN does not notice and continues to ride on. RONALD and MRS F’s WISE MEN see the star turn. They try to tell MAURICE but he has gone. They realise there is nothing else for it but to follow the star in its reverse direction. They follow the star and exit. A moment later, MAURICE reappears. He follows the star alone across the stage. RONALD reappears from the wing, points to the star. MAURICE rides past him. Exits.

  Music ends.

  Stage – general

  RONALD. Thank you. Thank you very much. And now where was we? Ah yes. So let us now pick up the story once – again where we was – left off.

  MAURICE (off). Where we left off.

  RONALD. Was left off.

  MAURICE (off). Where we left off!

  RONALD. I said that! And so it come to pass in them days that word went out unto Caesar Augustus that rebellion and mutiny was in the air and the people was all amurmurin’ in discontentnentment. So Caesar didst decree a new decree that all the world should be counted. So he would know exactly were they was and what they was up to and so he could nip any rebellion in the bud before it happened. And so didst he ordained that all the people should go without delay unto his or her own city where they was born and do – the Roman Census.

  Music: fanfare.

  MAURICE enters in a Roman breast plate and helmet.

  MAURICE. Thank you. And now –

  Music: fanfare.

  Thank you. And now –

  RONALD. Very nice, Maurice.